>>1107623 a woman who loves magical girls is forcibly recruited into a villain organization as a BDSM themed villain as she uses her powers on the magical girls, she realizes her sadistic tendencies and starts to enjoy tormenting the girls
It doesn't work like that If I'm stable I'm stable Of i get excited I'll hage to pay for it cause happiness is spent up snd then I gotta be miserable to make up got it I forget and then I do stuff I like too much or I interact with people too much and the system can't handle it so everything shuts down and I can't think straight i know I'm paranoid, I know I'm just having an episode but I know it's real i just don't know Ajay parts cause I can't get anything to work
I shouldn't and can't trust people
Rei !p8eYCadcMo
mathler 701 3/6
⬜🟨⬜🟨⬜🟨 🟨🟩🟨⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
yeah paranoia is just an emotion like fear itll come and go just breathe into it everyone feels scared sometimes
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
long nose breaths none of that shallow mouth poison
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
oh man vinny is playin a game where the dialogue is generated by AI and it takes voice input the perfect vinny game
S C
It doesn't work I only have myself
If I'm not useful I'm scared cause I'll be gotten rid off and I'm not useful to anyone I just an extra annoyance cause I'm uncomfortable to be around
The dnd is dying too Nothing matters to other people but everything is so much for me it's why I dont function
I thought "black companies" were like, not legitimate businesses but like, underworld shit these mfers file taxes and shit?
S C
like how can they do that shit, but there are companies that don't? are they the only ones who realize they can literally just do that? like, overwork their staff until they completely crumple, and then replace them as needed? why don't all japanese businesses do this if they have the option?
S C
I guess the same could be asked about amazon in the US but amazon is like one of a handful of companies that even have that particular type of work in the first place
I do not like her the design is good but the girl is rotten
S C
it's actually getting genuinely cold now, too guess I'll spend most of tomorrow in bed one way or another partly to not have to heat up the apartment, partly because my mental is fucked up again and that usually lasts a while I just get kinda distant, not connected
>>1107695 cause if a big enough business does it they can well actually the answer is because its unethical regular Japanese companies work their workers pretty hard just like not all companies in the US do wage theft there's also the possibility of getting in trouble Japan actually does have labor laws but people don't report their employers for violating them cause they can be retaliated against and it will look bad if you get fired and then sue then try to find a job somewhere else people don't like hiring employees that sued their former employers or whistleblew
Anno
>>1107695 It's not really sustainable long term Like if you've heard of crunch time for game studios or tech companies, those are pretty essentially black company tactics You can extort labour from your employees but you're going to lose them over time
S C
>>1107701 I actually genuinely thought it was just criminal front companies and the like, shit run by the damn yakuza, that did that shit cause it's so well known but also evidently doesn't get shut down >>1107702 I mean you say that, but the companies that do the crunch stuff are seemingly never short on staff, if anything they fire them regularly and rehire for book cooking reasons or whatever it is they're up to People burn out sure, but there's no shortage of warm bodies
I'm not saying it's GOOD taht they do, but like, if you can and it works... you'll outperform the ones who don't provided the labor supply is there
Anno
The firing and rehiring are pretty much black company tactics too It works for game industries and tech because there's an equal if not larger number of interested fresh faces wanting to come on board The tech industry in particular has been heavily supported by throwing greenhorns into the grinder and pulping them out when you're done with them
But with industries or fields where there isn't a glut of new employees to pull from, eventually you're going to run dry the local available applicants, or the smaller total population of potential employees will start working for the companies which are less abusive to their employees and that'll put you out of business as well You can really only be as cynical and abusive a business as the fresh blood available to abuse permits
S C
I guess it doesn't help that tech companies are run\owned by particularly heinous ghouls, moreso than any other given industry
for fields where some level of education is necessary, that does make sense, but is the pain limit where people go "fuck it I'll just be unemployed instead" really all that high in japan? isn't neet life like, total mooching off of your parents and basically nothing else?
Anno
Culturally Japan also has some built in stuff that can help prevent rampant abuse too The NEET culture certainly is involved here, but more importantly is they have had more success with labour rights fights than places like North America Grunt labour jobs are usually pretty well-paying and have fair hours; eg., even your basic conbini employee job can be a livable lifestyle if you make smart lifestyle choices Employees definitely have alternatives to just taking abuse from a company, which is why these black companies usually lean in hard to cultural stereotypes like how the employee needs to devote their life too the company, relying on socially-induced mentalities that make Japanese people reluctant to make a public scene, and sometimes even use Actually Criminal behaviour to
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
look up the riots against the tokyo airport expansion in the 70s theres Vincent Van Pryce docu that has a section about it its pretty poggers
Anno
>>1107708 entrap and blackmail employees into staying at the company
S C
the working man's life in Japan sounds real tough, in any case though that's the case anywhere I suppose, to one extent or another
Anno
it's like with anyting you gotta pay, to play. If theres no coruption involved, then you get out, what you put in.
Anno
It might also help to remember the historical frame here too A lot of these references to black companies are written by people who lived through the 90s, or are the generation whose parents lived through it Throughout the 80s, Japan had a massive bubble economy, where there was so much money flowing through these kinds of companies And then the bubble popped, and Japan went into a recession that it's only in recent years they've began to recover from Now I don't have the statistics, but a pretty common effect of recession is mass layoffs and unemployment, which meant now for companies, there were legions of struggling potential employees they could recruit from, so what, are you really going to chance losing your job because your boss and sempai are kicking you around? You're almost certainly replaceable
>>1107713 What happens if you formulated a better product then your boss and diy built a company as an independent. Based on a creator mentality, something different that has not been thought up. That's what made Japan and more over the US great to begin with. Coke and Pepsi, so to say.
S C
I'm watchin' Wandering Earth 2 And it's certainly more interesting than the first one But it's also kinda weird like, there are legit full scale organized terrorist attacks in opposition to making life capable of existing on the planet? Bro we're not even doing more than cutting off the occasional oil pipe in opposition to making life INCAPABLE of existing on the planet right now
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
if someone told me that they were going to move the earth into a solar system when someone else told me i can just live forever as a digital thing i'd probably get organized too
S C
yeah to MOVE THE EARTH
I'm joining the war on the moving mountain project on the side of the moving mountain
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
wandering earth ii has a very idealistic view of the world's ability to Unite but damn i love that movie i have fallen in love with wu jing
S C
Asia has this weird thing where they put out movies that are either complete snoozefests, or incredible bangers
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
did you watch Full River Red?
S C
i haven't even heard of it
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
chinese film that came out last year it's really fucking good in my top 5 of 2023 its on nyaa
S C
I never shoulda smoked that shit, I woke up in
S C
I guess I'll give that a watch too then
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
i'm on a chinese film kick i'm gonna watch all the top grossing chinese films and got a bunch others on my watchlist
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
all glory to china
S C
also in fairness, basically all movies have an insane idealistic vision of the world where it's like "oh we're under threat? let's all band together!" No, dawg, half of us think the cataclysm is GOOD actually, and most of the people in power are in that half We are COOKED if there's a genuine apocalyptic threat, because the entire US government is controlled by people actively working towards the end of all things
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
my favorite thing about wandering earth is how international it is it's so fucking rare that you see that everyone speaking their own languages makes the movie feel so fucking big
S C
Yeah It is weird how some of the people they got to play the american guys are like... obviously not native english speakers though
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
yeah there are a few that are clearly not fluent in english and they're dubbed over but it's still cool it's probably hard to get actual americans for it
S C
yeah I mean, respect for the effort at least
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
even the american senator is actually australian
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
or ambassador or whatever he was
S C
that's just an accurate depiction of the future 20 years from now, Australia and the US will unite as a single nation under racism
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
and im proud to be an american where at least i know im free... o7
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1107632 wp-kun you ready to watch FnF 1 in a week?
Rei !p8eYCadcMo
>>1107729 the DoD is actually kind of in a position towards cutting greenhouse emissions because they think that the US won't be able to project force globally the way we can right now if climate change keeps going the way it is but also the US government isnt a monolith (neither is DoD) and its intellectually dishonest to make statements like >the entire US government is controlled by people actively working towards the end of all things
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1107727 wanna watch the Battle of Chosin one with me? on my backlog for a while
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1107740 yeah for sure that's on my list soon since its got wu jing
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1107741 sugoi! will let you know when availabe to watch its a deito
Can't just go to bed Scared and nervous and worried about everything because I had too many good things happen and depleted the reserves so now I gotta be fucked up and paranoid
Everything just feels wrong
I want to do one thing, but very thing screams at me and says it's wrong Dnd scares me
Anno
>>1107752 That was me months ago, things arnt as bad as they seem, maybe not good, but defo not as bad. I hope things just get better for er body (and you) it's like it comes in waves. I'm going to attempt to take this advice, focus on what is all good and that to which you can change. It's seems therapeutic that when you were explaining space related games. Interesting reading. Focus, you got this....
Anno
Seen 100's of chinese flicks. This is a good movie, all though it's Japanese.
The KEKW guy is dead but I feel that would be a hell of a way to leave a lasting legacy. just a little emote of your face spammed by thousands of people daily.
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
some kinda digital prayer wheel
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\Anno
kekw guy lol
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
i went to bed suuuper early i'm up codin at 4 am i need to achieve balance
AnnoKirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1107784 come to this sesshin in february and become Balanced
we are not beating the sub20 degrees inside allegations I mean it'll get warmer once I fire up eve cause the computer makes a lotta heat, but still
S C
too damn cold to actually play video gams
AnnoKirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
pomu is graduating
AnnoKirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
mask that white shit out yo
AnnoS C
maybe I should read steins gate and chaos head
AnnoS C
i'm gonnda do it I'm gonna read chaos head
real denpa hours
Anno
neat havn't you read it boefore?
S C
no I've only seen parts of the anime and all of steins gate, but I've never played that either
S C
I wanna play steins gate more, but there's basically 3 reasons I'm going with chaos head first it's first in the series I haven't actually seen the full story before and also it happened to be first in the priority of the torrent I'm getting
the torrent version don't work I'm just gonna fucking buy it
S C
...really?
S C
I don't know if an fps sequel to a game about how ancapistan actually sucks big ass is similar to a VN about teenagers pulling swords out of the ether and apparently being clairvoyant also?
S C
hopefully buying it on steam makes it function by running it through th- shit can I just run the pirated version through steam?
S C
yes, actually well then I already bought the fucking thing on steam so I might as well play that version, but now I know and can just do this with the other games
AnnoSamu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
some company has done what steve jobs couldn't
Anno
whose steve jobs
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
BLAM BLAM BLAM sorry i dont have instant pulverization abilities lick my cat
Anno
that's kinda cool though I suppose miss those blackberry keys
S C
okay so since I'm downloading the chaos head from the steam, I may as well just play steins gate first
>>1107824 huh chaos; head ce *came out first, play that first >>1107826 did you try proton?
S C
yeah, I'm back at chaos head >>1107828 naw, I might if it doesn't simply work once I buy it through steam steins;gate I know I'll enjoy so I don't really mind buying that at the first sign of resistance
Rei !p8eYCadcMo
>>1107829 I'm pretty sure you're supposed to run it through proton most steam games habe to be run through proton/vanilla Wine on GNU/Linux
S C
well the thing is it RUNS the issue is the opening cutscene or whatever seems to not load, so it's stuck in loading pergatory
S C
in other news, I got this new mustard and it's like, basically ALL seeds? It said it was like, you know, "with seeds" or whatever, rough, not all smooth like the stuff you squeeze out ofa tube but it's ALL grains It's pretty good though, if a bit strong
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
dijon me
S C
maybe I'll get dijon next time, to try it but it better be fucking good if the president is gonna be called a snob for putting it on a borgir
S C
New tips Chu-Ni
Do not speak to me of the rules of magic!
S C
wow the interior of the container is actually a 3d rendered space that's something I didn't expect
unusual
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
dijon is pretty damn good idk if it necessarily belongs in every burg
S C
Bro's desktop is FUCKED UP Does he have a separate fucking shortcut to each of his thunderbird accounts? Did you have to do that before, did thunderbird not support multiple accounts in like 2000?
what happens to magical girls when they grow up and enter the workforce? are they magical women who basically don't sleep, or do they give up on the whole "saving the world" gig?
S C
Misumi's a real great guy Protagonist-kun barely shows up at school, is hard to talk to, and overall is kind of a creep But Misumi's right there trying to be his friend What a heroic figure
Anno
>>1107840 If a beleaguered Spider-Man can do both Parker's life and superheroing as an adult, I'm sure an Actually Magic mahou shoujo can too Mahou shoujo Mahou Onna?
S C
this guy actually goes to an internet cafe just to play on another account I guess he will follow SOME of the rules of the ToS, after all Like no alt accounts, though that's usually not a rule except multiboxing usually isn't allowed In EVE it's allowed, even encouraged, but EVE is kind of its own thing in a lot of ways
S C
Having the auto-advancement thing in the VN is real nice cause I can read it while keeping my hands under my blanket it's a cold one out here in the north, y'all
I'm not dying or nothing, but it is kinda uncomfortably cold
>>1107847 Dolphins truly are the rats of the ocean
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
truly
>What’s surprising about the new Nature study is that it shows sperm also cooperate with each other. Human semen is of low viscosity compared to much of the female reproductive tract. When the hard-working little swimmers encounter the thicker vaginal mucus, their path is slowed. So the sperm often join together at their heads, which gives them greater swimming speed (up to 50 percent faster) than if they were to carry on individually.
>What’s more, human sperm with higher DNA integrity (less fragmentation) are more likely to associate together, practicing their strategy of all-for-one, one-for-all. When the local viscosity diminishes, they disband their Musketeer-like cooperativeness, reverting to each pollywog for himself.
human fertilization is actually a co-op boss rush, it's PvEgg
>>1107877 ive heard it many times and can sing the chorus but as usual i have no idea what the name is cuz i have the words wrong
Anno
>>1107882 Ya thats happened to me b4 as well. Brain games are good time though.
S C
feels weird
S C
at least my reprocessing is damn good now money money I still wanna get an implant to up it even more tho
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
feels mossy
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
went for a 15 min run now i feel great
S C
this new implant paying for itself is gonna take A WHILE goddamn it's 4% increased reprocessing yield, it costs 175m that's... 220000 units of the most high value base ore which is a fucking lot But it'll pay for itself and then it's just profit going forward
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ever since i pulled my back a week ago I haven't done any exercise and I've been eating absolute garbage like cookies and frozen pizza and staying up until 5am only sleeping a few hours a night which was fun for like 3 days but now its been over a week and i just feel absolutely gross and lethargic and it's all my own fault.
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
get off your butt and walk around the block
Anno
And then get on your butt and do some situps
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
me irl
>>1107892 >>1107893 yes sirs. Well actually first I'm cleaning the house. Can't be living in dirty dishes and old pizza boxes and other crust and filth.
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
oh dang nevermind good job cleaning the house you deserve a little youtube break first
It's actually a good reminder though, You know sometimes when I am working hard, eating really clean, working out every day and then going to yoga, doing well at my job, taking my post grad courses .. all that stuff that's supposedly for my own personal benefit there will be a little voice in the back of my head that's like >remember the good old days. Where you just sat around on your ass, jerking off all day and playing video games all night. eating whatever you damn well please
Well After a few days of living the life - it's not really all it's cracked up to be.
Anno
we like to party we like to party
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
And here's the kicker; I can't even play Runescape now because i feel too gross and lethargic even for that
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
oh no but your bushels of wheat and your purple tinged rocks
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
ummm I'm actually focusing on blue-tinged rocks right now.
>>1107927 I remember the original gimmick of using sunflower seeds or other small random particulate to fill in holes and cracks in furniture and then patching over with plaster or whatever and the neccessary paint to disguise the blemish I'm assuming this is the gimmick taken to its logical absurd absolute
Anno
if i didn't work there and if i still had access to the variety of shops i do I'd probably never shop at coles unless there was some exclusive items the service is pretty bad because everyone is miserable there often there's a security guard patrolling the floor the self checkouts randomly announce themselves to scare shoplifters as Also the exits are now locked out with automatic doors that seldom work
actually now yeah i kinda remember that but it feels like a dream within a dream
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
why is coles
Anno
also being staff you are subject to bag checks at the end of the night as you leave
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
i mean everything we know as normal retain is basically deprecated retail ship everything after digital payment or be outside a digital corral idk
Anno
idk either come aussie day ill put in my two weeks speaking of the antithesis of coles these woolies nuggets are decent perfect manchild food
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
oh dang congrats!
Anno
thanks i fried that air with my own hands probably should have quit ages ago considering i already have a full time job but I won't lie the money has been handy considering i get paid fortnightly
I'm also hungry, and a little bit upset, how's moe
S C
mcdonalds lets you order and pay in the app now, and you can just pick it up like any other restaurant, but they start making it when you show up and tell them your order So really you've accomplished nothing except adding steps to the ordering process
what a stupid fucking feature
AnnoS C
reading more chaos head
Anno
>>1107999 Yeah that's pretty weird I don't use mobile apps for restaurants but I'm pretty sure here, if you order in an app and specifically don't tell them to delay, it gets added into the order queue immediately
S C
Please fuckin' tell me chaos head picks up because I AM BORED so far I mean the delusions are Neat I Guess, but like, it's been a minute and there's so far actually nothing compelling about this story so far
S C
The protagonist sucks as a human being, nothing's happening except the newgen murder things and that FEELS like it got dropped though I know that's not actually the case
S C
chapter 1 done, and it has actually picked up a bit now
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1107999 yeah itz like geofenced it would be kinda funny to use a hacked android or ddeveloper mode or something to fake your presence just to order a bit earlier at least that would work here, you dont actually have to walk up and say anything to them
the tips aren't supposed to be in character, they're just supposed to be like, a glossary!
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
evidence of absence is a tricky putt
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
hangovers suck never drinking again
S C
chapter 2 complete It's really not that stellar of a vn so far, honestly I mean it's OK and all, but
maybe my bar is just too high and this is actually really good for a VN
Anno
>>1108012 A pretty normal reaction to a morning after heavy drinking
Anno
I find eat a big salad for the polyphenols, becomes a great way to kill the after efects of a hang over. Maybe more booze and a shrub or two.
S C
it can help a bit to just overload your system with fluids juice or almond milk or something it's got a little bit more to work with than plain water
Anno
ya water for sure is needed, after and during getting hammered.
S C
of course you're SUPPOSED to drink the water like, before the hangover But who even does that, really
Anno
ya expecial out and about. When your drinking all you can think about is drinking more, more over if it's going odwn smooth.
>>and snacks! oh ya and anything fried or baked. salt , sour, crispy all gooda
S C
and snacks! the deep drive for salty snacks probably does not help in the aftermath of drinking salty crackers with cheeses and stuff is incredible when drinking I mean it goes hard either way, but especially when drinking
and that dries you out a bit I imagine
Anno
>>salty crackers with cheeses and stuff is incredible when drinking ya with wine, for me for sure.
S C
wine or beer not that I have wine often at all or drink in general all that often anymore not cause I've decided to lead a sober life or something, more just cause I can't really do the stuff I enjoy when I drink can't read, can't really play the games I like cause they're not the passive type that work with inebriation I can watch anime and stuff but if I'm watching something for the first time I wanna be sober, at least for anime
movies are fine, but only movies I don't really care about that much or movies I've seen before
Anno
ya rpg's have a lot of reading.
S C
well I mostly play like, project zomboid or eve online or something at this point it's fine for singleplayer games without consequences, but in zomboid when you die you just fucking die and the whole character is lost and well, in EVE I'd end up losing all my money doing boneheaded stuff and getting blown up
S C
bro, you can just say lesbian
S C
the stuff they put in Tips for and the stuff they don't is so weird
elizabeth debicki is so dang tall funny how such a mundane thing like 'wow she's in the 99th percentile of female human heights' is amusing i googled 'debicki tall' and got all these results from DeviantArt where people photoshop her into scenes to make her look even bigger than life lol dang mommy fetishists
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
what the hell, zendaya is 5'10"? coulda fooled me
Rei !p8eYCadcMo
>>1108065 I have never heard of her before your post. Just googled her. >>1108064 she's hot
Rei !p8eYCadcMo
Wordle 933 5/6
⬜⬜🟨⬜⬜ 🟨⬜⬜🟨⬜ 🟨🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟨🟨⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
she just won a golden globe
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
(debicki) anyway i liked her in tenet and she was in gatsby too as that coy friend
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
ive zendaya-posted before best met gala outfit ever
>>1108119 I don't remember exactly but bottom half. She seemed a bit upset actually, just because I know she was really trying hard. She was still a good sport about it though, of course.
Anno
>>1108120 ah damn there's always next time that be the nature of mario kart
From the rocks in space, today I have extracted roughly 1B ISK worth of raw materials I just gotta process it first, and then I gotta sell it off
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
I'm not a fascist! I don't control the railways or the flow of commerce!
Anno
Where we're going (interplanetary space) we don't need railways
S C
stargates are basically railways though
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
everything returns to train
S C
they posting suzuha OnLine
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
is that a mané suzuha
S C
Part Time Soldier Hijack lol
S C
Chapter 4 LETSGO
S C
oh boy the CEO of yapping has logged on
S C
2000s Japan was a wasteland
S C
"a good college" as though the concept of gravity isn't elementary level stuff
Anno
Are you sure they aren't just being sardonic
S C
maybe
S C
chapter 5 I'm almost halfway through the chapters, though who knows if that's roughly half of the story or if the chapters get longer or shorter
Anno
Had a preaty cool vison, much light.
S C
wish I could have cool visions it's always just bad
Anno
how come?
S C
my particular configuration of mental issues doesn't let me have good visions of the future if there's anything at all, it's terrible usually it's nothing though
Which, really, isn't exactly good either
Anno
I've had phases like that as well, not always easy, but precieving light = very important. I gotta start drinking green tea for antioxidants more. Helps with toxins.
S C
oh you mean like those flashes you sometimes get? like you just sorta 'see' a bright light even if your eyes are closed and stuff? briefly
S C
I think those are just errant cosmic particles or something though
Anno
no not wazes or particles or anything, I had a vision before, I could look aroiund, use a camera w/ lense to capture what I was veiwing. And it wasn't cosmic at all really. waves**
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
ride the dragon
absolute territory enjoyerS C
Mentally stuck and unable to stop being stuck Ruminating
I think I was doing better for å while but it stopped But was i even doing better?
I hate being in the way
Anno
From an outside perspective you definitely seem to have been doing better Your, for lack of a kinder word, my apologies, outbursts have been far less frequent and when they have happened, haven't been nearly as self-abusive as they have been And you have had a persistent focus on EVE for a considerably long period of time I know a game might not feel like a great sign of mental improvement, but you have been taking on roles in the game which involve you applying your own agency and have been even picking up and seriously learning new skills because of that focus I don't think those are signs of someone who is just stuck. Maybe a lack of where to direct that obvious energy and enthusiasm, at least as far as "socially acceptable" directions go, but you haven't struck me as someone who has simply been stuck
S C
Maybe I guess I must have been somewhat better at least for some time
My head just isn't reliable
>>1108177 Yeah I forgot to take them for å little while but not super long Maybe that's why I fucking tanked like this
Anno
Are you still on a prescription for some kind of antidepressants? I've been taking Wellbutrin for almost two months now and I feel it has helped somewhat Not every day, but it has been a degree easier to apply myself to some of the harder things about being a basic functioning human being It's not making my brain do a 180 on its fatalistic and pessimistic default outlook all on its own,
S C
But a lot of stuff is just still there, gnawing at me I'm still a nervous wreck the moment the dnd game ends cause I'm a nutcase and can't make myself not think I'm ruining it for everyone else, I think everyone actually dislikes me, that I'm in the way, and it
S C
Doesn't let go
I still have these paranoid bursts like I'm sorta Unwanted, but just not wuite enough for anyone to say anything Like talking to me is annoying but nobody wants to be the one to say it
Anno
When I was younger, in my early adult years, I had real bad social paranoia; like, I assumed whenever I was outside the crowd, they were talking shit about me behind my back Or other reasons people couldn't spend time with me at a certain time were because they didn't want to Over the years, I think I was able to swallow enough of my ego to put that behind me, or so I thought But more recently I've been wondering if it was more a decade of depression had damped my capacity to feel that emotionally sharply, because in the two-ish months I've been taking Wellbutrin, I've definitely had flare-ups of that paranoia in ways I haven't felt in a long time Which is to say, your paranoia might unfortunately not be something the medication is helping with, and is something you're going to have to process and learn to happen Behavioural things like that are more the therapy arm of the mental health treatment process, as far as I know, there isn't really a pharmaceutical way to cure it
S C
The worst part is honestly knowing that at least some of it is just mental illness because I have no idea what is or isn't just literally me being unwell and what is genuine social signals I'm accurately parsing So I just have to blindly guess
I have no idea how to actually read people, and I'm not actually capable of believing people when they tell me they like talking to me. I can't like, believe it, it's not voluntary, it's just filed away as appeasement and that's that. I know it was said, I know it isn't genuine, case closed.
Anno
Yeah, if I'm being frank, that's your ego more than anything This thought that "No I'm right, I have to be right, anything you say is a lie or wrong" When I was trying to spend time with friends and they'd tell me they couldn't because they needed to focus on work or studying, I wouldn't believe them, I'd think it had to be because they just had me accompany them like some kind of charity case or a pet, and cut me loose when it was an inconvenience to them Really though, that was an incredibly self-centered and self-serving outlook on our friendship, that the things they were doing were revolving around me When really, I should have just trusted them. Of course they had to some times focus on the things that would further their life goals and/or passions. I wasn't the most important person in their lives
S C
I mean, yeah I don't really know how to do that though It's irrational and ridiculous and I'm fully aware of it
I just don't know how to process not being unwanted I think, cause I don't see that as an option, really Of course I have to be wrong about that, things wouldn't be like they are otherwise, but I can't force my emotions and thoughts to align with ahst i do understand has to be more accurate It's just sorta, not an option. So the whole mental is just constantly struggling to make things fit together >>1108184 Spaghetti Chan It used to be Spaghetti Kun
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
howya doin there S C what does that stand for by the way
Anno
Well like I said, behavioural stuff and thought patterns you're locked in are more the therapy side of the mental health treatment There isn't a miracle drug that makes paranoia and ego go away
I mean if you want to be dumb you could try taking a shit-tonne of shrooms and see if you experience a revelation Not advisable, or at least, I wouldn't advise taking shrooms for the sake of mental health treatment, unless you can find one of those experimental programs that are trying them I would recommend shrooms for recreational enjoyment though
S C
I guess so yeah At least these meltdowns aren't as violent as they used to be
Yeah I keep recreation recreational Taking acid didn't bestow wisdom from the cosmos so I doubt shrooms will either
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
>>1108183 cute what if you are wanted but don't know it?
S C
I don't really know how to answer that
I force myself to just ignore the screaming when I interact with people, it's like there's more than one equally ranked knowledge bank, so I know what I know isn't actually how It is i guess It's not like I really get it
But I don't think I'm wanted like, in particular, like at all There's really only one person i actually fully accept likes me specifically And even that's strained a lot
Anno
>>1108186 I wouldn't claim to know the specific chemical breakdown here, but anecdotally, from the friend who turned me on to shrooms, it's a different kind of trip from acid More of an inner peace and feeling at place where he is I've yet to find the right amount I need to take to experience a feeling that intense, but the last time I tripped on shrooms I did feel pretty nice
There were some physiological things which made the experience kind of weird, but as far as the emotional effect, I've got nothing but positive things to say
S C
Even saying it makes me kinda nauseous
>>1108189 I mean I do wanna try shrooms sometime, I just don't really buy into the woo-y stuff about just downing some trippy shit and waking up like "well I'm fucking Gucci now " I don't doubt it happens, I just think that's for the mental health equivalent of being teenager drunk
♍︎/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
it doesn't make your kokoro go doki doki? well I like you, even if thats not fully accepted, and I like most of everyone else!
S C
I dint get jt but thanks I guess
S C
I guess it does supposedly do something for addictions though so maybe there's something to it I just don't think so
Well even just doing it for recreation I've found is a pretty good time I've never taken great to cannabis but the way I've heard people talk about it is how I found my trip on shrooms went
S C
Unfortunately I'm broke and don't know nobody, so I have been drug less for å good while
i searched his account he's never called anyone else kitten lol what the fuck
S C
The last time someone on twitter talked to me like that like a few months later he got outed as a pedophile groomer lol Not that I'm in the running for that, but I mean it makes me uncomfortable
moralists hate it because someone online told them it was evil they are incapable of forming their own opinions and meaninglessly repeat their mantra of "degenerate!" these are people who would think anything other than missionary is evil so who cares what they think
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
>>1108219 I thought you were just going to say you were proud to be a degenerate
Kirara "Ikkyū" 🍄 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\
If someone like those people are the ones calling me problematic, that's a sign that I'm doing something right.
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
idk I didn't even watch the video.
Samu /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\AnnoAnno
i am so bad at this game but it is really addictive
AnnoAnno
are the pixiv tag translations community done or machine translations
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
i think it's automatic
Anno
you geso
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
just guessing though
Anno
i only found out today jump // found out "jump your bones" //// lemme start over
Anno
i only found out today " jump your bones" was a phrase and the tag translation was actually "immediate night battles" referring to the Sendai meme
Mahou Shoujo Marsh-chan
IT MEANS SEX.
Anno
yeah I've never heard it you could possibly understand why "about to jump your bones" translating to "immediate night battles" would seem confusing if you lack context
Marsh shitposting on the go via Telephone
>>1108234 I'm not surprised you've never heard of sex
Anno
>>>/watch?v=5HWTgzCMsS8 this was the moment i baubau'ed >>1108235 well sure i do, you go into a room with your SO, sit down in the corner, the stork flies in and you watch
Marsh shitposting on the go via Telephone
>>1108236 Oh so you do know Well jumping bones means that