Thread #129346

I don't know how to explain it so anyone can understand
It's stupid
I'm stupid for knowing and letting it happen
I'm stupid for it even being something that is happening

If I was half as smart as I think I am, this couldn't happen to me
I don't know what to do anymore


Why tell my boss when she won't understand what I'm saying
Why tell my doc when he won't
Why am I making this post?
My reasoning is completely shot and I blame myself for not bring able to stop any of this

My head feels like it's being pushed down

And I can stop it
I can get dressed and go to work right now, I know I can and nothing but me is stopping me
How can I know that but not do it?
Am I just a shit human being?
Am I just lazy and fabricating everything to justify myself?

What the fuck am I doing anymore
I'm supposed to be better than this

Get your doc to refer you to a psych, and talk with them.
They might be your better option.
Or rather, they might be an option, that will lead you to something.
I don't know what you're feeling, but it sounds familiar to me.
You probably are better than this but have a roadblock to clear up, and I am sure you can find the help you need if you seek it.

I don't think I could make them understand
I don't think I understand

It's clear until the moment i try to formulate it
I don't know if I'm lying
I think I'm lying

I don't know if I ever tell the truth

>>129368
Believe me, there's a lot more to get from trying than giving up.
They're trained to figure these things out, and talk you through until one of you understands.

Lying about what?

Everything in this thread

It makes more sense if I'm just lying to myself so I can be lazy

>>129370
I'll be the first to tell you, denial doesn't make it go away or any less detrimental in the long run.
I spent a long time lying to myself and it fucked me over.
Now that I recognize it, I'm going to do something about it.

I don't think it's worth trying to salvage what's left
Even if I have problems and I can fix them I think I've already winged my life enough that the only choice left is to bash it with a rock and prevent more suffering

>>129377
It's still salvageable.
It can always be turned around.
You may not make up for lost time, but you can at least enjoy proper what's left.

>>129379
How is there nothing left?

It's not
There's nothing left

I'll never amount to anything even if I became normal today
It's already over and I'm just hanging on like an idiot because I refuse to fully accept that I wasted my whole fucking life already

I don't have a future and I don't know why I stick around when I know that

>>129379
You do have a future, behind the cloud that is hanging over you.
Please, just go get help. Clear up that cloud, or at least try.

They won't understand
He didn't last time

I wasn't even planning on being around this long

>>129383
Was it a GP/Family doctor or was it a psych?
Or are you like me and lied through your teeth to get the hell out of an uncomfortable situation?

>>129386
Then you got a lazy fuck of a psych.
Find a new one.

Both
All of the above

The problem is me, not the psych

>>129387
Then do what I did, find a way to explain it to a friend and take that to them.
Or rather, plan to take that to them...

I tried
I freeze up, I can't bring it up
I can't properly explain it anyway

>>129390
Have you considered writing it out and handing it to them?
Did they ever try to build a rapport with you, build trust so maybe you'd open up?
Just because you can't explain it doesn't mean they can't figure something out.

I considered it but giving it would just be as hard
I don't trust people so I don't think they could, and I'm not sure I'd recognize it if they tried

>>129393
I'm not diagnosed with anything
Other than adhd

>>129392
Is it anxiety and paranoia?

Look at us, we're not face to face but it's making sense.

I'm asking if that's how you could quickly summarize it.
>ADHD
Can 'o worms.

Probably
I guess it's a good way to summarize it but I'm not diagnosed

>>129394
You don't have to be diagnosed to feel anxious or be slightly paranoid but when those feelings start to impede your life, as they seem to be by your own admission, you might want to do something about them.
Just as I am planning to do.
As soon as I wake up early enough to call and schedule an appointment before work.

I can talk on moe because it's not reality
I can't be honest with real people

why is going back to being a hikki neet a better option?

It lets me ignore everything

What does it matter if I can't handle my own existence if I have nowhere I need to be, nothing I need to do

>>129398
I just suggest you try, at least somewhat.
It's hard, but it's worth it.

doesn't work help to take your mind off those thoughts a bit?

Maybe
I don't know

My memory isn't reliable
But it's a dead end no matter what because this keeps happening and I ruin whatever good streak I had, and there's no future then

I'm not qualified for anything, and the things that don't need qualifications have scores of applications from people who don't just skip work without a word randomly because they don't know how to explain what's happening

i guess you could try to use the current job to try and fix the absence problem
and also try to get some sort of qualification

>>129405
Do you have health benefits right now?
Use them to address the problem causing absences, then either apply to new things you want to do or be like my mother and go to school a bit late and still get qualifications.

>>129422
The current job is where the absence problems are
Today is the absence problem
>>129424
I'm not sure what that is

School is a pipe dream, it's not realistic

>>129433
What what is?
School is not a pipe dream, but you will have to work your ass off for it...
But hell, my mother raised me and went to school.
I mean, she did a rather shit job raising me and had help, but you ain't got a kid do ya?

I'm a virgin so having a kid would be surprising

I don't know what you mean by health benefits

>>129449
Health insurance, that's what we call it here.
That is: If you have a full time job, you get some money taken out, and you get insurance so instead of shelling out your life savings, you can go to the doctor for a reasonable price.
If you don't, get fucked.

Oh, I don't have an actual job
I'm in Norway so health insurance isn't really a thing

I've got life insurance though

>>129458
Life insurance is good.
As long as you have someone to collect it...

>>129463
It's better than pissing about innit?
I mean, it at least opens up a chance.

Oh god, I had one dude say "oh, you just need to sleep from 10 to 6 and you'll be fine" and it was like...
THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM, THAT'S A SYMPTOM.

I can go see a doctor, but I just don't know how useful it'll be
I tried last month or something and he told me I was low on vitamin D

If sleeping fixed anything I wouldn't have been a neet from 18 to like 24

>>129464
I wouldn't be working a dead end job for less than enough to sustain myself on my own, living at home at 23, and feeling absolutely embarrassed by the fact.

I guess I can schedule an appointment at least

Easy to say

You need to see a psychologist and you need to be honest this time.

>>129476
As someone in a similar boat, though with seemingly less water in it, I know how you feel.

>>129481
It's easy to lie and hard to be honest when they're more or less strangers.

>>129491
And yet it's what he needs to do.
He needs help.

>>129493
I'm not denying either of those things.
It's something I have had to come to realize myself.
Hence my suggestions of even writing down what explanation he can muster.

You're probably not wrong
But I tried before and hit a wall and I don't think trying again will be different

You failed before because you weren't honest.
You're too scared of being judged.
You need to get over and and be honest this time.

You're talking to people who've probably heard crazier shit, that's something to keep in mind.

I wasn't honest because I wasn't able to

>>129534
What makes you say that or feel that way?

>>129534
Now's the time to get over it and do what you need to do.

>>129535
I lock up
Because I don't know if it's true
I don't know if I'm lying
I'm scared if I'm lying there will be problems

>>129542
I'm just going to say, it looks pretty damn true to me.
And if that's a thing, it might impede progress, but maybe talk about that aspect of it too.
What really matters in all this is that you give it an honest shot.

I kind of live through lying
I'm never really sure how much of what I say is true
Actually that's not entirely right
I know in general but when it comes to my own head i don't know what I'm making myself think and what I actually think
It's just a fucking mess

>>129554
Then that's likely something else that needs to be addressed.
The short of it is, you need help.

>>129554
You said it was easy to talk to us about these things because we're not real people.
It's obvious you're having trouble with doctors because you're afraid of being judged.
You need to get over it and talk to them honestly.

Because I don't need to worry about it

I was better for å while
I dunno what changed

Don't you think it's time to start taking steps to fix things?

It's about time but it's also been years since it was too late

I don't have a lot to gain
It's difficult
I want to but it's difficult and I don't see any future even if I succeed
But I want to

You have everything to gain, but you need to take the first steps to getting back on track.

On track to what though
There's nothing from here on out

I could MAYBE get back to school if somehow reality alters itself and makes that and option
I'll be there for 6 years assuming I fucking ace everything on the first go
Then I'm 31
I'm 31 with 0 worthwhile work experience going into a field where the very flaws of my current record are even worse and there I will be

>>129635
You can always go back to school.
You can always enter training for other professions.
And at the very least, you won't be plagued with these feelings.

>>129635
Age doesn't matter if you work ahrd.
You need to fix your current set of problems though.
You need help to fix that.

I was just handed an easy life and I fucked it up

Age does matter
That's 5 years of literally nothing
That's the kind of thing that's important when trying to get a job

>>129635
My mother was 32 when she graduated.
The only experience she had was her research and work in food service.

>>129646
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't even matter much when it comes to health.
Someone who takes good care of themselves will be physically younger at 32 than someone at 25 who is rode hard and put away wet.

Your problems have nothing to do with age, it's that you refuse to move forward. And you use your age as an excuse to justify not moving forward.
You're in a feedback loop that you need help getting out of.

I don't understand how you can see it like that

What don't you understand about it?

Any of it
I don't see how you can consider my position anything but futile

It's because you're being delusional about this.
You're still quite young.
You have lots of time to fix things and be successful.

>>129666
Once you get out of it, you'll understand.
Once your judgement isn't clouded by it, it'll make sense.

Things don't just "work out"
There's nowhere to go anymore

I'm gonna die alone, working as a fucking cashier no matter what I do

>>129672
You have plenty of time to go to school.
I don't understand why you think it's too late if you don't follow the progression from high school like everyone else does.

There were lots of people graduating at the age of 30-35 out of my grad school.

I run out of time for school in roughly 2 months because then my dad retires and I need income to help out

This isn't a fucking fairy tale

>>129672
Once you get out of this haze, you'll be able to formulate a plan to get through.

>>129683
My mother RAISED A CHILD and went to college, at around your age.
It's not impossible.

I don't think I can do it

The current you can't do it.
Which is why you need to honestly get help.

The you that gets help will greatly appreciate it.