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Kirara 🚗
Once again, I find myself questioning whether I still belong here or not.
So I'm taking another break for a day or maybe a week, I don't know.
You can try to contact me if you know where to, but I'm not going to guarantee I'll respond.
So bye.
Kirara 🚗
fyi you flood me with texts there is no chance i will reply and i will block you so fuck off with the spam
sorry, i didn't see this previously
i texted you today just casually so sorry if it was spammy
sorry if i spam you a lot in general i guess
hope you are well
Kirara 🚗
it's ok, im ok, i hope you are ok
it's ok that you hope i'm ok
i hope you are ok too, and i hope thats ok
Kirara 🚗
im probably ok
feelin like my time as a regular here is over though
too many negatives to being here for me now
most of the positives are gone
yeah, i get you because i feel some of that going on as well
ive been tryna engage people a little more and force more interaction but i think it just makes it a little stuffy and suffocating
im pretty attached to the board so it's kind of a lonely feeling to think about it drifting out of people's lives
i need to figure out how to be a better adult i think
Kirara 🚗
im pretty attached too
i just don't think it's healthy for me if nearly all my interactions are negative here
i don't think it will change back
but im still working it out
It's really heartbreaking to hear you considering it.
I don't really know how to keep in contact with you if you're not here.
It's a really scary thing to consider.
do you think you and i have negative interactions here
i worry differences in routine energy levels might cause that illusion sometime
i'll engage a topic externally sometimes just to precipitate a bit since we do that sometimes
but i think sometimes i miss that you're externalizing something and not engaging something externally so for me to do so is really disrespectful
but even those kinds of interactions are so subtly different that i don't really have anyone else i know that appreciates them the same
in a lot of ways, if i dont have you around, i'm mentally kind of alone
same for other people in other ways, tilde is the only one that understands a couple of aspects about me too
and SC sometimes too
i'm really afraid of either losing those channels of introspection or internalizing them to the point of neurotic and eccentric behaviors
im really selfish i guess but i really don't want to lose more people
i could probably say something more respectful instead like hope you're well or i understand or things will be okay
but basically every time i make a contrived response of what i think is appropriate, it turns out hurtful or bad
so im just gonna lay things out however awkward or neurotic they are because at least it's representative of something real, i guess
it feels like everyone is so busy and stuff now
just hard to cope when it's such an invested community
Kirara 🚗
no, we almost always have good interactions
you're one of the factors that make me want to stay
twitter, email, etc
could do line
I don't really know how to socialize in those ways. There's something intrinsically difficult for me when it comes to static communication like those.
I've spent so much time around Internet apps where you reach out to someone you know is in the room, or in the thread, or etc., that those more static methods are really intimidating to me.
one-on-one is a p high energy channel to open
communal stages are a lot more comfortable simply because one's presence there reduces that channel activation threshold because they're already contributing some of that energy by being there and receptive
to send an email is like "hey open this channel so you can see what i have to say" just to say "hey whats up"
instead of saying "hey whats up" to someone who's already looking there anyway

like how you dont go out of your way to wave to your neighbor or smile at someone you appreciate
but if it's not requiring extra on their part then it's pretty simple to do

sorry to ramble
Kirara 🚗
that's very true but idk what else there is
id love to stay and be able to talk but i am still questioning whether or not it is good for me
my mental health is important and i find that being here, i am constantly getting frustrated
the fact that i still feel like this after several days means // days away means i will probably continue to feel like that
b b b b b ang
i don't think i could say that i feel like i "belong" here but that isn't really what i think is important
if you enjoy it, keep coming
if you don't, don't
if that's what you mean by belonging, i know that you not being here would make me enjoy it less but it should be your own enjoyment that decides how you conduct your self
hey kirara sorry but i dont like ranko that much theres this one idol named aki yamato shes really cute
and also this one named yui ohtsuki
she sings a song i like
feel free to check it out
Kirara 🚗
that's a good song one of my favs good taste

that's how i am feeling
i appreciate the support
idk what im doing tbh
just doin what you do
you do you and i'll do me
that way we dont do each other on accident
Kirara 🚗
nothin wrong with a little mixing
Kirara 🚗
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im gonna drink
You've lasted for so long, don't start now
Kirara 🚗
who cares
Surely you care or else you wouldn't have quit in the first place. You yourself said that it's bad for you in the long run.
you know better