independently of the physiological ailments, i feel scared and emotionally worried/vulnerable about a lot of stuff completely unrelated to being sick i just get this overwhelming feeling of dread about the future, my current relationship issues, finances, work, feeling an intense homesickness and stuff
i do believe it's because im sick but i dont know why my sick fears wouldn't be about, you know, health it just has me feeling a visceral loneliness i think it's because my thalamus is too busy gating all the sensory overload from sinus issues and doesn't get to spend time with me anymore but that's just speculation
moon
like im thinking a lot about whether, if an oncoming death were unavoidable, would it be better to die in a hospital setting or die alone somewhere without intervention the lights and beeping and nurses/people constantly interrupting your dying moments might not really be worth the opioids and benzos
dying in someone else's warm embrace sounds comforting too but god imagine having your passing moments be spent experiencing someone else's emotional overflow yeah you want loved ones around but i mean in the thick of it i dunno
i can't cry when im around anyone else just physiologically impossible
moon
and your thalamus doesn't gate smells having your last sensory perceptions be of hospital room smell and not like the smell of home that seems like it'd make me sad. id feel so homesick in those moments.
Samu ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
oh man so macabre my man theres no point in fixating about methods of dying its not really a thing to optimize dor you might find gently directing your attention towards more immediate concerns to be spiritually helpful
